Thoughts at 10:03 am on a Saturday morning, Broadway hotel

Hm...i'm awake. And not dying. That's a positive. After last night. Big party. Must've played guitar for four hours straight. and i drank a whole bottle of wine. I must have odd looking lips. Actually, i'm ok. In fact, I feel great. Excellent. what's that noise? uh. Anyway, work in 57 minutes. ok. Shower, pants, shirt, apron, coffee, work.

What the hell are they doing over that side of the room?

Ok, Work. Stuff 30 chickens, That's mostly what i'll have to start with. Actually, no, Breakfast, that's what i'll start with. Steak and eggs. That's a good plan. Breakfast of Champions. Wasn't that a book?

Are they doing coke? They are. They're doing coke. 7 foot from where I'm contemplating breakfast, people are taking cocaine. That's messed up. Also, why is that guy twitching? he's not taking coke. ok, wait...no, he's on ecstacy. riiight. I have to not live here.

ok, so while i thought i had a heavy night. (I drank a whole bottle of wine!) I obviously didn't. That girl fell asleep on the bathroom floor in her underwear. This guy drank a litre of vodka, then started taking pills. Is this real? Are people really doing this? like, for real? Am I stuck in some Channel 4 documentary?

ok, I'm going to go to work. and I'm going to make a cuppa. Anyone want a cuppa? No? You've already got beer? ok, that's cool.

Right, breakfast of champions.

great title for a book.

Living in upside-down land #4

1) 'So yeah, we were deployed to the gulf, and anyways, we're rolling out across the desert, and we see this truck, dropping off men. So we pulls up, and call in an airstrike. Hold tight for twenty minutes, and the A-10s, we call them vultures, blow the fuck out of it. We roll up to investigate and the sargent goes 'alright lads, photo op! because you see, the driver, he'd lost all his arms and legs, but he still had this massive erection. It was hilarious'

Conclusion - war veterans are scary. Then they show you the photographs on their mobile phone. That's even scarier. Especially when they just seem to be mild mannered nice guys.

2) 'i love coke, no really, i love it. Do you know where i can get any?'

-the new chef, demonstrating...uh...something.

3) 'Hey andy, these are some new guys living in our room'
'Any of yous snore? no? good. keep it that way'

-me, suffering from meeting too many new people, and just being rude

4) 'do you sell dinner?'
me: 'no, this is a post office, we only sell stamps'

-me, turning into Bernard Black


the conclusion this week is that i think it's time to move on. I love brisbane, and the folks i've met here. Unfortunately, most of them have moved on to pastures new, and I'm here for another ten days. Ten days of pure misanthropy. hooray.

Chowdaaah

So, we live in the sort of hotel that has a 'Social Club' made up of locals. They gather of a friday evening for their weekly 'meat raffle'*. Anyway, this week, Phillipa from Sandyford won a massive tray of seafood. Enough to feed an army. (or defeat an army, if they were big, like in that film Galaxy Troopers, but they weren't massive.)

Anyway, last night, we got it together, and decided to make some seafood chowder. All the pieces came into play: recipe, ingredients, kitchen (kinda let ourselves into the restaurant kitchen) beer, camera. Anyway, between one thing and another, we started having a puppet show with the crabs, which (because we're normal) eventually turned romantic between them. Which, of course was the moment that Leigh (manager of the hotel) decided to walk in to the kitchen.

While myself and phillipa are forcing dead crustaceans to perform unnatural acts on each other, complete with giggles and sound effects.

I'm so proud.




(*ok, see the way i put that in inverted commas? Yeah...it's just a raffle where they give away meat. In fact, I should go back and take out those commas. y'know, because it makes me look like i'm looking down my nose at both the meat raffle and the social club. Just because it makes people happy to get prizes of 8 pounds of steak on a friday evening. Who the hell do i think i am, really?)

Career choices

#1
Me at home: Yeah, I...uh, digital media? it's like the internet and that. Right now, I'm working on this...uh...I don't know how to explain it, but it's meant to be funny.

Me here: I cook. Dinners.

#2
Me at home: So...i need to redesign some of the front end of this, I need the colours to reflect more of the actual content rather than the percieved content.

Me here: So...i need to add salt.

#3
Me at home: Wow, look at that, I've got the exact shade of blue i wanted. And i only had to spend 20 minutes at that colour chart to do it...coffee?

Me here: Three meals on the go, flames everywhere, pans dancing on the hob, I'm listening to classic rock at full volume, and I still have time to wink at the girl ordering food.

#4
Girls at home: The inter...computers...media...wow...how, uh...interesting...for you.

Girls here: Oh my god, you cook?! I love that! Can I see the kitchen? Will you cook something for me sometime?

#5
Boss at home: Andrew, going forwards, can you please ensure that Sunday's shift reports are clearly labelled, as mislabelling can cause confusion within the weekly overview table.

Boss here: Yo! Andy man...i'm too...that's awesome...i can't move...uh...last night...oh man.