An open letter to the outdoor equipment salesman.

Let’s just take it from our initial contact, shall we? It was Dublin, early spring, the first fresh bright day of the year. There was a hint of warmth in the air, a breeze that made one want to pursue outdoor activities, wear breathable waterproofs and shop for luggage.

I was on my lunch break, and had rushed a sandwich at my desk, so as to buy a backpack from you. You, you were leaning casually against the counter in your shop, casually drumming your fingers on a ski boot.

Around you, enough sporting and outdoor goods that no one need ever go indoors again. And was I in luck! A whole wall of your establishment was laden down with backpacks!

I think my first move may have been the wrong one. I let my guard down. I said I didn’t know anything about backpacks. I told you I was going around the world for a year, didn’t envisage a large amount of mountain climbing, or extreme sports, and what was the most appropriate product for me.

You fool! You could have had me at hello! You could have pointed me at the rolls Royce of backpacks, something only Puff Daddy would dream of buying, and say ‘’that’s the one for you. It’s got a spy novel compartment, it makes tea, and it attracts French girls. It costs fifty grand. I’d be sold.

Any story, I would have bought. Any bag, for that matter.

Instead, what did you do? You sighed, and gestured towards the wall of backpacks. And stood there till I, fool that I am, pointed at a hideously inappropriate one. A women’s one. Then you laughed at me. Good joke.

I pointed at another, randomly trying to make you think I’m cool. (I don’t know why)

Then you said, “good choice (at last, the sweet taste of macho validation!) , it has somewhere to stow an Ice Axe”.

I don’t exactly know what an ice axe is, but If I had one, I’m guessing you’d be more polite.

So, now that I've made the bag decision, what do you have in the way of boots?

Andy's to do list for before we go....(5 months)

Buy equipment
Specifically modern,synthetic,purpose built equipment. No matter how much I harbour a desire to travel the world in slacks, brown shoes and a cotton shirt, unfortunately, I don't live in 1800s England, and will not have a team of servants following me. Best go for stuff that makes me feel like a member of the SAS, except without, y'know, the training, or fitness, or blood lust.

Buy Books
Between you and me, Internet, We both know I'm going to spend all the time I set out to buy equipment buying books. Not even books I'm going to bring, just books about guys called Yevgeni, and trainyards.

Rationalise excessive cold war spy novel purchase with thoughts of 'Research'
Because I am going to have to read up on the places we're going, otherwise they're not going to be as much fun at all...

Fret about various contingencies
What if one of us gets sick, what if someone at home gets sick, what if we run out of money, what if our stuff gets stolen, what if our money gets stolen, what if that vague headache is the first sign of a brain tumour...

Daydream about implausible contingencies
So, when we're fighting the russian mafia, having played the columbian cartels off each other, saved that orphanage in Cambodia, landed that 707 in the jungle...

Research the route.
Mostly, do a google image search for the places. See if the women are pretty. Try and remember any films set there, if Scarlett Johanssen was in any of those films. Daydream for a while about Scarlett Johanssen.

Find that Australian Girl's email address
Man, she was totally hot.

St Patrick's day...

2005 - Central hotel, George's St. Dublin
2006 - ?

Paris

I lived in Paris for 3 years when I was tiny. I'm really looking forward to going back there. I've only been back once since, but I still remember it vividly.

I'm saying this because on the way through town this morning, i caught a smell of oil and airconditioning, and I had a flashback to being on the metro.

in other news, i must daydream less when I'm meant to be doing my thesis.