Living in upside-down land.

#1

I nearly burn my hand on a pan in the kitchen. My giant German former-bodybuilder boss bawls at me from across the kitchen. (for full effect, imagine in Arnold Schwarznegger's accent.)

"WHY DO YOU FEEL PAIN! YOU MUST TRAIN YOUR MIND NOT TO FEEL PAIN! THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD EVER FEEL PAIN IS WHEN YOU ARE SURPRISED!"

#2

I'm doing a delivery across the road (see the next post down). It's late & my mind is on autopilot. I have the following conversation with Miss Honey (I don't think it's her real name, but it's the name she uses to order pasta)

-Here's your dinner. That'll be ten bucks fifty.
-Thanks, darlin. So you busy over there tonight?
-Quiet enough, thank god. yourselves?
-Yeah, quiet enough at the moment, but gonna get really busy later.
-um...yeah

And then we had a good long conversation about the evils of working a late shift on a friday night. Albeit in quite different jobs neither of us quite made reference to.

#3

"So you're a dancer? From Las Vegas? And you don't smoke, drink, touch caffeine or eat meat? Well it's nice to meet you. And neither do I, by the way. Yeah, hate caffeine. Can't touch the stuff. And as for meat? pff. oh this? This is a non-alcoholic beer...in a normal bottle."

...

"oh, no. it's a normal word. It means it can...uh...work on it's own. Yeah...No, I don't think 'autonomous' is just an Irish word. Yeah, you could be right, maybe they don't use it much in Nevada."

...

"No, I didn't actually say that this is how your dad dances, just...uh, the implication was that I dance like someone's dad. I don't know how your dad dances, he could be a fantastic dancer....i'm not"

"Oh, implication just means...uh...that that was what I was getting at"

#4

My boss' wife corners me in the walk-in fridge. (literally, she corners me)
-What are your ten year goals?!
-eh?
-Your ten year goals. What do you want in ten years?
-em...I...uh...I'd like to manage a radio station.
-Your own radio station?
-um...I don't know...I...
-Because there's no point working your butt off for other people if you're not getting the profit.
-um...I guess that's...
-So why don't you get a loan and buy a radio station?
-what?...I don't think you can do that....
-Get an investor. get off your ass. you want to acheive your goal, don't you!
-I'm not even sure...uh...(changing tack) Also, I want to produce for a bit before that.
-Do that when you own the station!

#5

After a long day at work, I'm sitting in my manky work whites watching late night Australian TV, drinking a beer & eating a pie. A blonde german girl I've never laid eyes on in my life plomps down beside me, bursts into tears, mumbles something about an ex-boyfriend and tells me I'm so nice.

I thoughtfully munch on my pie, swig my beer and agree with her. I am quite nice.

#6

My boss's wife, direct quote.
"Ok, Andy. I've just had mouth surgery this morning, so I can't smile. But when I want to smile, I'll stick my tongue out. like this."