Direct quotes from The Russia Experience Info-Pack, answering our questions on travelling across Russia.

'We've complained, of course, but no-one listens'

'Russian porn is porn with a soul'

'After an hour at such temperatures, your fingers and ears can snap off accidentally if hit, even lightly'

'Never roll up your sleeves in front of someone - it signals the intention to have a fist-fight'

'If you are missing McEating, then miss no more!'

'Russians succeed in being very normal and just like you or me - they have families, they have pets, they get sick, they like sticky cakes, they have arms and legs.'

'This is what gives them an advantage over westerners who are widely known to have no soul at all!'

'Redneck crap doesn't come finer than this'

'The worst thing that can happen is a clash of claques, which can add 15-20 minutes to a performance'

'Such pain is vital for the Russian soul'

'If you like Thurbron's 'Englishman Abroad' style, you may enjoy this. We personally don't'

'No connection with Russia, we just wanted to introduce our favourite wise crackin', crime-solvin', C&W singin' Texan sleuth.'