Guidelines for travel vaccinations

1)On entering clinic waiting room, you will notice a small playhouse. It is normal to experience urges to get into the house and make faces out the window.
IMPORTANT: IF THERE ARE OTHER PATIENTS IN THE WAITING ROOM DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ENTER PLAYHOUSE, RATHER BRIBE, BET, OR OTHERWISE COERCE YOUR FELLOW TRAVELLERS INTO GETTING IN.

2)The doctor will explain to you everything you need to know about the vaccines you are to be injected wtih. It is perfectly normal that you tune these out and daydream about being a marine engineer.

3)A nurse will administer the injections. IMPORTANT: Nurse will again explain the injections, Ensure that during this time you are pre-occupied with appearing macho.

4)Part way through the actual injections, remember you are having fatal diseases injected into your bloodstream, and have daydreamed your way through any and all safety precautions, guidelines and notes.

AT THIS POINT, IF YOU EXPERIENCE FEELINGS OF MILD TERROR, INCREASE FREQUENCY OF JOKES & LAME ATTEMPTS TO IMPRESS NURSE. THIS WILL FAIL. SHE HAS HEARD ALL THE INJECTION JOKES.

5) You will recieve a small yellow book. This is very important. Lose this as soon as possible.

6) You may take it as read that over the next 48 hours, any odd aches and pains, itches, pins & needles, yawns or tiredness are the first signifiers of the onset of Hepatitis, Yellow Fever, Typhoid and Rabies.

SIDE EFFECTS

1) Weight loss in the wallet area.
2) The feeling of being hit with a spade
3) Listlessness, boredom, and disinterest in completion of masters thesis due in 2 weeks.