Visa application (abbreviated)

Are you, or have you been known by any other name?
There's a small mexican mining town that know me only as El Baldo.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime or offence in any country?
I've caused offence. I called this one guy a dick. he was pretty offended. I did it with conviction too.

Have you ever committed or been involved in the commission of war crimes, or crimes against humanity or human rights?
Question of semantics. if getting a truckload of prisoners in Kosovo to dig their own grave, then turning a machine gun on them is a war crime, then I'll be the first to put my hands in the air.